This is NOT a music-related post. (I have to post that disclaimer, as two of the four regular readers of this blog don’t like my musical musings.)
Michelle Zauner is the leader of the band Japanese Breakfast. I’m a huge fan. (Their new album comes out soon!)
But she also wrote a very moving memoir about loss – her book Crying in H Mart. When her mother was diagnosed with cancer, Michelle left her East Coast band and flew back to her childhood home in Eugene, Oregon, to take care of her mom during her final months. And as a Korean-American who lost not just her mom but her connection to her Korean heritage, Michelle feels the grief quite intensely.
I can sorta-kinda relate. I’m not mixed race like Michelle, but my mom was first generation Italian-American. And when she passed away, I lost that connection to the Italian part of my heritage. I was lucky enough to spend some quality time with my Italian aunts (Rosetta and Inez) growing up, but chances are my feelings of “Italian-ness” would be much stronger had my mom not passed away when I was so young.
I hadn’t thought about that a lot, until I listened to Michelle speak about her book at Cincinnati’s Mercantile Library earlier this week.
I found myself getting a bit misty-eyed when she talked about the sense of not just maternal loss but also cultural loss. And I started to think that I’m not just a fan of Michelle’s band, but also a kindred spirit with her.
Then. later in the week, I saw this quote:
It is essential for us to welcome our grief, whatever form it takes. When we do, we open ourselves to our shared experiences in life. Grief is our common bond. Opening to our sorrow connects us with everyone, everywhere.
— Francis Weller
Yes, I’m a kindred spirit with Michelle Zauner. And with you. And with everyone who has suffered loss… which is “everyone, everywhere.”
Grateful Living has a monthly series called “Grateful Gatherings.” As fate would have it, the focus for March is “Grief & Gratefulness.” Here’s another Francis Weller quote:
“Gratitude is the other hand of grief. It is the mature person who welcomes both. To deny either reality is to slip into chronic depression or to live in a superficial reality. Together they form a prayer that makes tangible the exquisite richness of life in this moment. Life is hard and filled with suffering. Life is also a most precious gift, a reason for continual celebration and appreciation.”
Amen to that!
The Grief & Gratefulness resources are here. Should you find yourself crying in H Mart, or in the Mercantile Library, or anywhere, really, they could come in handy.
The Mercantile Library is an absolute gem in the Queen City. It’s been open since 1835, but recently completed a remodel that adds much more cool space to what already was the city’s best haven for “readers, writers, and thinkers” as their website says. Michelle Zauner this past Tuesday, Curtis Sittenfeld this past Friday… with Timothy Egan, Crystal Wilkinson, Ada Limón, Colson Whitehead, Kaveh Akbar, and Lauren Groff still on tap this year, along with several other authors, plus book clubs, poetry readings, yoga, and so much more.
It’s a membership library, but the low cost would be worth it just to hang out in their space, and membership gets you early (and often free) access to the author events.
I’ve been doing some digital spring cleaning, and I encourage you to do the same.
WaPo may be sorry to see me go, but I call b.s. on the “absolutely nothing has changed…”
There are the two recent developments that made me unsubscribe.
First was the news from Jan. 4th:
And then the final blow (because it blows) came this week:
I agree with Amanda Katz, a former member of the opinion team at the Washington Post who stepped down from her role at the end of 2024. She called the change:
“an absolute abandonment of the principles of accountability of the powerful, justice, democracy, human rights, and accurate information that previously animated the section in favor of a white male billionaire’s self-interested agenda”
My $40 a year won’t put a dent in Bozos wallet. But I’m not gonna stand idly by while the free press gets gutted by a guy who sells trinkets and baubles (mostly from China).
And here’s a bit more spring cleaning you can do, courtesy of Last Week Tonight with John Oliver.
Instructions are here. (I should’ve spelled out the URL, as it’s “JohnOliverWantsYourRatErotica.”)
I’m rarely on Facebook, but every little bit helps!
Finally, there’s the non-elected, non-citizen who is running our country. (Oops, sorry for the typo, I meant “ruining” not “running.”)
Getting rid of the Twit is a bit more difficult (so much for “efficiency”) as you’ll have to request YOUR data, then wait for an email with a download link. But instructions are here.
It’s chump change to the oligarchs. But dollars are the only noise they hear. And if we all do it, maybe democracy still has a chance.
Here’s a no-cost way to add joy and wonder to your life, courtesy of psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi:
“Try to be surprised by something every day. It could be something you see, hear, or read about. Stop to look at the unusual car parked at the curb, taste the new item on the cafeteria menu, actually listen to your colleague at the office. How is this different from other similar cars, dishes or conversations? What is its essence? Don’t assume that you already know what these things are all about, or that even if you knew them, they wouldn’t matter anyway. Experience this one thing for what it is, not what you think it is. Be open to what the world is telling you. Life is nothing more than a stream of experiences — the more widely and deeply you swim in it, the richer your life will be.”
Stop. Look. Listen. Taste. Smell. Feel. Your senses are working, but it’s time to get them working overtime.
Fun fact: the letters in “Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi” can be rearranged to spell “hilly haystacks minimize”… hmm, I think I need to keep working on the whole “stream of experiences” thing.
This post from Scott Galloway is a year and a half old, but it’s worth flagging (again, perhaps). My favorite excerpt:
Add this to the list of ways social media is ruining society: It’s skewing our perception of the relative value of listening vs. speaking. Social media is a contact sport in which “takes” are the game ball. It’s taught us (incorrectly) that all our opinions matter. Worse, that everyone needs to hear and comment on them.
He’s spot-on. You don’t get any sort of clout (or Klout, back in the day) for just reading something and not weighing in.
The delta between hearing and listening is attention, being present. This is difficult in the age of devices, but respect is what makes the other party feel heard.
Scott offers four tips for lending someone our ears.
Not speaking up is easier said (unsaid?) than done. It takes practice. But the payoff for fewer words is more empathy.
This was published in 1991. Seems appropriate for our times.
THE CURE OF TROY – by Seamus Heaney
Human beings suffer, they torture one another, they get hurt and get hard. No poem or play or song can fully right a wrong inflicted or endured.
The innocent in gaols beat on their bars together. A hunger-striker’s father stands in the graveyard dumb. The police widow in veils faints at the funeral home.
History says, Don’t hope on this side of the grave. But then, once in a lifetime the longed for tidal wave of justice can rise up, and hope and history rhyme.
So hope for a great sea-change on the far side of revenge. Believe that a further shore is reachable from here. Believe in miracles and cures and healing wells.
Call the miracle self-healing: The utter self-revealing double-take of feeling. If there’s fire on the mountain Or lightning and storm And a god speaks from the sky
That means someone is hearing the outcry and the birth-cry of new life at its term.
It means once in a lifetime That justice can rise up And hope and history rhyme.
We could use some rhyme time right about now.
But then, once in a lifetime the longed for tidal wave of justice can rise up, and hope and history rhyme. So hope for a great sea-change on the far side of revenge. Believe that a further shore is reachable from here. Believe in miracles and cures and healing wells.
I do believe that a further shore is reachable from here. Especially if we all join hands.
Hearing Seamus read his poem is like music. And here’s a bit more musical hope:
That nothing grows on, but time still goes on Through each laugh of misery
Everybody’s gotta hold on hope It’s the last thing that’s holding me
The podcast “Literally! with Rob Lowe” is in my regular rotation. I don’t get to every episode, but they’re usually pretty entertaining. The last one I listened to, however, was quite enlightening. Rob’s guest spoke eloquently and intelligently about the origins of makeup in this one-minute clip:
I certainly wasn’t expecting such erudition from this guy:
Yep, the self-proclaimed “God of Thunder” is actually a really smart cookie. And he makes no bones about the fact that he and his KISS buddy Paul Stanley were more interested in success than critical acclaim. But the podcast interview gives a lot more insight into that drive. It came from Gene’s mom, a Holocaust survivor who, at the age of 14, watched as her mother and grandmother were led away to the gas chambers.
Gene’s mom instilled in her only child a drive to make money… but as a means of safety, as some insulation against harm and danger. And Gene talks about how his mom was — and still is — his compass, and the person who gave him some much needed perspective on what really matters.
I tuned in expecting some laughs and funny stories (and the episode has those), but I didn’t expect the history lesson, and the emotional gravitas.
Gene may wanna rock and roll all night, and party every day… but there’s some real substance behind that kabuki makeup.
You can listen to the full podcast here on Podcast Addict (my favorite app for collating and listening to podcasts).
Feeling “stuck” in your job (or your life)? Maybe you need some advice from this guy:
Ralph Steadman’s drawing of Hunter S. Thompson’s car beset by huge bats illustrated Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas in 1971.
Yes, noted “gonzo journalist” Hunter S. Thompson would like a word with you:
You have the power to change things up. But don’t just take it from Hunter S. Thompson. Pull up a barstool and listen to this fella:
That’s noted Barfly Charles Bukowski, America’s most infamous poet and a “laureate of American lowlife” (Time, 1986). Here’s what he has to say about making your own breaks:
Just a couple of friendly reminders that life doesn’t happen TO you unless you let it. And if it seems crazy to make a change, then embrace the crazy.
[L to R: Jeff Bezos/Washington Post owner, Sam Altman/AI CEO, Mark Zuckerberg/Facebook & Meta founder and CEO, Patrick Soon-Shiong/LA Times publisher, and the Walt Disney Company/ABC News.]
Here’s Dave Chappelle’s plea at the end of his Saturday Night Live monologue:
A nice sentiment, but likely to fall on deaf ears. And Dave needs to save some “good luck” wishes for the American people who will be harmed by t-Rump’s policies, decrees, and whims.
OK, I’ve had my say. You know where I stand. As best as I can over the next four years, I’m going to try to not give any more oxygen to the dumpster fire. Lil’ Donny the broken boy needs a steady stream of attention, and I don’t want to contribute. I’d rather focus my attention on things that I can change.
Notice the dateline: January 5th. Two months after the election, when reporting like this two months before the election might’ve made a difference. And almost four years to the date of the insurrection, the biggest challenge yet to our democracy.
Grandpa Joe inherited a total cluster, and managed to right the ship.
Now the most aggrieved man-child in history takes the reins, full of bluster and b.s., hellbent on revenge, caring for no one other than himself, looking to turn the U.S. government into shills, lackeys and toadies, and making bullying, corruption and extortion great again.
January 6th, 2021 WAS the biggest challenge yet to our democracy. Until today at noon.
“Donald Trump and the cynics want us to believe that he is all-powerful, and that if you fight back you will lose. he wants you to believe that if you fight back you may face danger. and he wants you to believe that it won’t matter, because he is in control of everything — and it is not true. it is time for us to build not a resistance but an opposition — something that is durable, something that will last for four years, and beyond. and we need to build that opposition now, and we need to all gird ourselves for the long run.”
Elizabeth Willing Powel’s question to Ben Franklin at the end of the Constitutional Convention in September of 1787: “Well, Doctor, what have we got, a republic or a monarchy?”
Ben Franklin: “A republic, if you can keep it.”
It’s our country. It’s up to us to keep it. It’s not gonna happen in Washington, but it can happen at home.
A week ago, a winter storm dumped about 10 inches of snow on our fair city. Friday we got a couple more inches. Much to the delight of an early 90s one-hit-wonder Canadian reggae musician.
And much to my dismay.
I’m not a winter person. Never have been. Maybe it was growing up in Arkansas, which is warmer most of the time… combined with the fact when it DID get cold in the foothills of the Ozarks, our home’s only heat sources were three small propane heaters (one in the living room, one in the back bedroom, one in the bathroom). We couldn’t leave them on all night (for both safety and economic reasons) so when we got up in the morning, we had to strike a match, turn on the gas flow, light that sucker up and huddle around it.
Oh, and the bathroom only had a tub, not a shower. My dad paid a buddy to put one in, but it was installed in a different, uninsulated room at the very back of the house. Sometimes the water coming out of the shower head would turn to icicles (exaggerating a bit, but it sure felt chilly back there).
Never learned to ski. My few attempts were always on Midwestern hills with man-made snow, which turned to ice, which made falling a real treat. And I fell a lot!
But there’s a special place in hell reserved for those folks who say “If it’s already cold, it may as well snow. I like snow. It looks so pretty!”
Yes, it looks pretty for about an hour. Then you realize it’s all over your driveway. And the sidewalks. And the roads. And then turns into a gray, ugly mess that sticks around way too long. (BTW, “gray, ugly mess that sticks around way too long” is what Mrs. Dubbatrubba calls me.)
Yeah, snow in the winter is a real treat. The shoveling. The chance of busting your butt on a patch of ice with every step you take. With dogs, it’s even “prettier” when their pee turns half of your backyard yellow… and their poops are magically preserved in the snow. You never see that on anyone’s Instagram feed.
Oh, and you “just bundle up” people? You can join the “I wish it would snow” people in hell. Yes, layers help you stay warm. But it takes 20 minutes to gear up, and you wind up looking like the little brother in A Christmas Story.
I’ll take shorts, a t-shirt and flip-flops any day of the year. (Yes, I know, I live in the wrong city.)
But the top reason I hate snow is this:
That’s my friend Vinnie’s wife’s car. Or it was her car. She’s OK. They live in Maryland, on a country road. Without snow, it’s two lanes wide. But when snow falls, it turns into single track… and when you turn a corner and there’s a FedEx truck barreling down the 20 m.p.h. lane going 40, there’s not a whole lot you can do.
People don’t wreck nearly as much in plain old “cold.” Snow creates all sorts of extra traffic issues.
I know I shouldn’t complain. Most winters, Cincinnati is pretty unscathed by heavy snowfall. That said, if you’re one of those snow lovers, you’re welcome to come to our house and take as much as you’d like from our driveway and yard. We’ll even throw in the doggie “presents” free of charge!
If you need me, I’ll be hibernating until I can play pickleball again.
Thomas Kuhl on We’re alive, because nothing happened.: “That is why we should celebrate every day when our feet hit the floor. Another to enjoy and share with…” Jun 25, 04:33
Thomas Kuhl on We’re alive, because nothing happened.: “This simply explains why we should celebrate every day our feet hit the floor. Another day to enjoy and share…” Jun 25, 04:31
Po on Here, There, and Everywhere: “I’m with you on all of that Damian. I’m exceedingly happy when I’m actually – with YOU – at such…” May 31, 13:52
blueandgolddreamer on Monday Fun-day: “I was just thinking about this song today. Every day I get closer to fine even if the journey is…” May 20, 03:30
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