[Today I’m reposting the post below, from two years ago, because I’ve started relistening to the Valley Heat podcast (and some of the newer episodes from the companion Good Morning, Burbank show) and nothing has made me laugh more. And I think we all could use some good laughs these days.]
This post was originally published on April 25, 2022…
I’m late to the game on this podcast (sorry, I lead a sheltered life), but Valley Heat is the funniest thing I’ve heard in a long time.
It’s like A Confederacy of Dunces meets Arrested Development meets Fernwood 2 Night…. Doug’s deadpan delivery, a wacky cast of characters, fun music references, the bogus promo spots, and great theater-of-the-mind audio all combine to create a perfect storm of humor. Every element is note-perfect!
It’s a bit tough to explain because the folks responsible for the podcast have created a whole wacky world within a Burbank, California neighborhood. The protagonist, Doug, ostensibly is trying to crack the case of who is using his garbage can as a drug drop. But really that’s just a doorway to all sorts of shenanigans involving an accident-prone attorney, a house that’s also a nightclub/arcade/pizza parlor/car wash, a mean father-in-law (who also runs a muffler empire), a DEA agent who does stakeouts with his mom, legendary frisbee golf players, mean foosball players, Jan that Movie (listen to learn), and a weaselly optometrist. Speaking of which, here’s Doug talking about his teenage son, who was prescribed transition lenses:
I wound up binge-listening to all the episodes over a weekend and was cracking up the whole time. I don’t know what sort of mind can come up with a Simon & Garfunkel alternate version of the Cheers theme song, but I’m totally here for it!
The Patreon offers bonus episodes, which are equally entertaining. Here’s an excerpt about a new product that sounds perfect… other than the fire hazard: Don’t just trust my judgment on this, trust Eliza Skinner:
Or my buddy Howard:
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to have some Jannie Cakes for breakfast…
Howdy folks, “Honest Donny” here, and we’re really excited about the new car dealership I just opened at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue in D.C.
It’s easy to find – just look for the big white house! If that doesn’t work, maybe we’ll add one of those floppy people with no backbone. No, not the Republican members of Congress – although I understand your confusion. I mean one of these:
This month, we’ve got a great deal on some electric cars and tanks… er, I mean trucks.
These babies will really protect you when the rioting starts! (The bad kind, not the tourists visits the J6 folks did.)
Now I know in the past I’ve said some disparaging things about electric cars. Like:
“Electric cars are good if you have a towing company.”
And I said electric car makers “are looking to destroy our once great USA. MAY THEY ROT IN HELL.” And that President Joe Biden sold autoworkers “down the river with his ridiculous all Electric Car Hoax.” And promoting electric vehicles “was the idea of the Radical Left Fascists, Marxists, & Communists.”
But that was before I met this fascist. I want you to meet my new manager, Elon.
He’s a great American… well, he’s South African, but potato/po-tah-toe, right? And he’s making these Teslas – it’s a company he founded! (Oh, sorry, actually, he didn’t start the company, he just invested in it, then wrested control from the founders and tried to claim credit for starting it. Hmm, that’s a situation that could never happen with our government.)
Let me tell you more about these beauties… they’re red, of course, to match my tie, and my hat. And Elon took inspiration from the German automakers to design them. You know, he takes a lot of inspiration from Germany… you might even say he spends most of his time doing a German salute.
And if you put these automobiles into self-driving mode, they’ll take control of the wheel and do all the driving, so you can focus on putting on your orange tanner and combing your hair into a nice cotton candy shape that covers your bald spots.
And the tires, they’re fully inflated… because just like with the economy, inflation is good!
I can put you into one of these babies for just $35,000… or five dozen eggs. You’d better lock down this deal before you get locked up for saying anything bad about me.
We also take trade-ins. Just push, pull, or drag Chuck Schumer down here and we’ll give you a real sweetheart deal, without any sort of negotiations at all, just like Chuckie did for me.
And if you buy now, I’ll throw in a free* pair of gold sneakers. (*you’ll just need to pay the fealty fee of $400… it’s standard for deals like this).
Come on down to Honest Donny’s car lot at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. You can take public transportation… wait, I probably defunded that because it’s “woke.” Maybe take a Cybertruck Uber. Unless it’s snowing.
There’s an old Hollywood joke that pithily sums up an actor’s full-circle career arc:
Who is John Doe? Get me John Doe! Get me a John Doe-type. Get me a young John Doe. Who is John Doe?
There’s a similar arc for most musicians, and it can be based on their transportation:
Drive the van. Ride in the van. Ride in the bus. Ride on the plane. Ride on the bus. Ride in the van. Drive the van.
There was a big ol’ bus parked outside the tiny Green Lantern Bar in Lexington, Kentucky last night. MJ Lenderman is blowing up. And rightfully so — his music is great.
Six years ago, he was scooping ice cream at a shop in Asheville to support his musical efforts, which included playing guitar for a band called Wednesday (whose ’23 album Rat Saw God is one of my faves from that year).
Three years ago, he released an album called Boat Songs, and got in a van to do a tour that included tiny clubs like the Green Lantern Bar. By the end of the year, Boat Songs hadn’t move a lot of units, but it garnered critical acclaim.
Wikipedia: Lenderman contributed guitar and vocals to the album Tiger’s Blood by Waxahatchee, released in March 2024, and was listed as featured guest artist on the album’s lead single, “Right Back To It”. In March 2024, Lenderman performed “Right Back To It” with Waxahatchee on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert.[14] Lenderman’s next album, Manning Fireworks, was released in September 2024.
The next leg of his U.S. tour will be at larger venues. And good luck getting tickets!
The Green Lantern is a tiny dive bar. But it’s very musician-friendly.
It would’ve been very easy for MJ Lenderman and his five-piece band to play a larger venue in Lexington on his current tour. Or skip Lexington altogether, for bigger clubs in bigger cities, for a bigger paycheck. (Diesel gas for the bus ain’t cheap.) Instead, he booked two shows at the Green Lantern.
I was lucky enough to be at last night’s show, thanks to my friend and neighbor Frank, who got tickets as soon as they went on sale… and before Lendermania (yeah, I’m gonna trademark that one!) reached a fever pitch.
Clearly the folks at the bar made an impression on MJ. And he was paying it backward. Because he knows what two sold-out shows means to a small club. And he still remembers what it’s like to scoop ice cream while following your dream.
“Once music and work and money all become the same thing, it gets hard to do it casually. But that was the reason I was able to do anything meaningful in the first place,” he admits. “You can see that through my whole life, just being able to go to a friend’s house and make something and not worry about what it is.”
This is NOT a music-related post. (I have to post that disclaimer, as two of the four regular readers of this blog don’t like my musical musings.)
Michelle Zauner is the leader of the band Japanese Breakfast. I’m a huge fan. (Their new album comes out soon!)
But she also wrote a very moving memoir about loss – her book Crying in H Mart. When her mother was diagnosed with cancer, Michelle left her East Coast band and flew back to her childhood home in Eugene, Oregon, to take care of her mom during her final months. And as a Korean-American who lost not just her mom but her connection to her Korean heritage, Michelle feels the grief quite intensely.
I can sorta-kinda relate. I’m not mixed race like Michelle, but my mom was first generation Italian-American. And when she passed away, I lost that connection to the Italian part of my heritage. I was lucky enough to spend some quality time with my Italian aunts (Rosetta and Inez) growing up, but chances are my feelings of “Italian-ness” would be much stronger had my mom not passed away when I was so young.
I hadn’t thought about that a lot, until I listened to Michelle speak about her book at Cincinnati’s Mercantile Library earlier this week.
I found myself getting a bit misty-eyed when she talked about the sense of not just maternal loss but also cultural loss. And I started to think that I’m not just a fan of Michelle’s band, but also a kindred spirit with her.
Then. later in the week, I saw this quote:
It is essential for us to welcome our grief, whatever form it takes. When we do, we open ourselves to our shared experiences in life. Grief is our common bond. Opening to our sorrow connects us with everyone, everywhere.
— Francis Weller
Yes, I’m a kindred spirit with Michelle Zauner. And with you. And with everyone who has suffered loss… which is “everyone, everywhere.”
Grateful Living has a monthly series called “Grateful Gatherings.” As fate would have it, the focus for March is “Grief & Gratefulness.” Here’s another Francis Weller quote:
“Gratitude is the other hand of grief. It is the mature person who welcomes both. To deny either reality is to slip into chronic depression or to live in a superficial reality. Together they form a prayer that makes tangible the exquisite richness of life in this moment. Life is hard and filled with suffering. Life is also a most precious gift, a reason for continual celebration and appreciation.”
Amen to that!
The Grief & Gratefulness resources are here. Should you find yourself crying in H Mart, or in the Mercantile Library, or anywhere, really, they could come in handy.
The Mercantile Library is an absolute gem in the Queen City. It’s been open since 1835, but recently completed a remodel that adds much more cool space to what already was the city’s best haven for “readers, writers, and thinkers” as their website says. Michelle Zauner this past Tuesday, Curtis Sittenfeld this past Friday… with Timothy Egan, Crystal Wilkinson, Ada Limón, Colson Whitehead, Kaveh Akbar, and Lauren Groff still on tap this year, along with several other authors, plus book clubs, poetry readings, yoga, and so much more.
It’s a membership library, but the low cost would be worth it just to hang out in their space, and membership gets you early (and often free) access to the author events.
This post from Scott Galloway is a year and a half old, but it’s worth flagging (again, perhaps). My favorite excerpt:
Add this to the list of ways social media is ruining society: It’s skewing our perception of the relative value of listening vs. speaking. Social media is a contact sport in which “takes” are the game ball. It’s taught us (incorrectly) that all our opinions matter. Worse, that everyone needs to hear and comment on them.
He’s spot-on. You don’t get any sort of clout (or Klout, back in the day) for just reading something and not weighing in.
The delta between hearing and listening is attention, being present. This is difficult in the age of devices, but respect is what makes the other party feel heard.
Scott offers four tips for lending someone our ears.
Not speaking up is easier said (unsaid?) than done. It takes practice. But the payoff for fewer words is more empathy.
The podcast “Literally! with Rob Lowe” is in my regular rotation. I don’t get to every episode, but they’re usually pretty entertaining. The last one I listened to, however, was quite enlightening. Rob’s guest spoke eloquently and intelligently about the origins of makeup in this one-minute clip:
I certainly wasn’t expecting such erudition from this guy:
Yep, the self-proclaimed “God of Thunder” is actually a really smart cookie. And he makes no bones about the fact that he and his KISS buddy Paul Stanley were more interested in success than critical acclaim. But the podcast interview gives a lot more insight into that drive. It came from Gene’s mom, a Holocaust survivor who, at the age of 14, watched as her mother and grandmother were led away to the gas chambers.
Gene’s mom instilled in her only child a drive to make money… but as a means of safety, as some insulation against harm and danger. And Gene talks about how his mom was — and still is — his compass, and the person who gave him some much needed perspective on what really matters.
I tuned in expecting some laughs and funny stories (and the episode has those), but I didn’t expect the history lesson, and the emotional gravitas.
Gene may wanna rock and roll all night, and party every day… but there’s some real substance behind that kabuki makeup.
You can listen to the full podcast here on Podcast Addict (my favorite app for collating and listening to podcasts).
impossibly4332b32374 on Light. Laughter. Grace.: “I’ve got The Wet Engine on my shelf, and think I read about half of it. Time for another look.” Apr 21, 09:15
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