Last night’s US Open quarterfinal tennis match between Serena and Venus Williams was the greatest sibling struggle on the court since… I played my older brother in the finals of the Clarksville, Arkansas Boys & Girls Club summer tennis lesson tourney, circa 1975.
Last night the kid sister got the win, but back in the day big brother John topped me in straight sets… because we only played a single set. John’s prize for winning the championship was a trophy. For finishing second (out of about 8 kids total in the class), I got a Jimmy Connors autograph model wooden tennis racquet.
Mine didn’t have an actual Jimmy Connors autograph.
My bro totally got screwed on the prizes, I’m sure he gladly would’ve traded the hardware for something that was actually useful. And I guarantee you that if John and I played another set where I used my new racquet and he used his trophy to hit the ball, I would’ve won.
Thank goodness that the new Star Wars movie is getting just a wee bit of merchandising tie-in promotional support. If not, folks probably wouldn’t go see it.
Macy’s keeps it pretty basic… just t-shirts:
JCPenney ups the ante with watches, slippers and a few other tchotchkes:
Target jumps on the bandwagon with toys, “limited edition” cereal and even Star Wars shaped Macaroni & Cheese (“may the SODIUM TRIPOLYPHOSPHATE be with you!”)
But the real winner of the Pimp My Movie contest is Kohl’s, as they are selling bedspreads, throw pillows, suitcases, headphones and even friggin’ Christmas ornaments!
Collect them all before Jar-Jar Binks comes along to ruin it for everyone.
One of Boudreaux’s first assignments was helping Kenner figure out how to deal with the unexpected box-office smash despite not having any products to sell. This was almost four decades ago, a simpler time when movies weren’t the carefully orchestrated and licensed consumer bonanzas they are today.
Kenner scrambled but soon realized there wouldn’t by any Star Wars toys ready in time for Christmas.“It was discussed internally that we should have something that folks could put under the tree, to build that excitement and anticipation,” Boudreaux said.
The solution was selling an empty box marketed as the “Star Wars Early Bird Set,” a sort of IOU from the company that could be redeemed for a real toy later. Kenner, which was acquired by Hasbro in 1991, actually made a television commercial for what amounted to a piece of cardboard that could be folded into a toy display stand. In a sign of just how much of a sensation Star Wars was becoming, parents bought the cardboard in droves. Kids could then send away a certificate from the box to receive four action figures by June 1.
Here are the thoughts that flash through my feeble yet trivia-packed 50-year-old mind when I see this album cover:
The “parted-in-the-middle mullet” needs to make a comeback.
Most folks think of Kenny Rogers as a country artist, and forget that he started out as a psychedelic freak.
3. “Six Pack” was a fine movie. (co-starring Diane Lane, Erin Gray, Barry Corbin and Anthony Michael Hall, y’all!)
4. Kenny rocked the facial hair long before craft-beer-swilling hipsters made it “ironic.”
5. I miss the corn muffins from Kenny Rogers Roasters restaurants. Mighty tasty.
(Apparently I could still get those corn muffins if I visit Malaysia.)
6. Nobody does duets like Kenny did. Dolly. Sheena Easton. Kim Carnes. Dottie West… You could pair Kenny with a parrot and get a #1 hit.
6. I’m sure it was cathartic for Tommy to beat up the Gatlin boys (“and there was three of them”) but a better course of action would’ve been for Becky to file charges.
7. In the early days of the interwebs, one of my favorite websites was MenWhoLookLikeKennyRogers.com. The concept was so simple yet wacky: find a silver-haired, bearded fella who resembled Kenny, take his photo (surreptitiously if necessary) and post it to the site. Pure genius in the days before piano-playing cats took over. Just look at a single page of photos and try not to laugh. It’s impossible.
Inside sports fans of all ages, there exists the little kid who first fell in love with the sport. So the athletes they rabidly rooted for back then will always hold a special place in their hearts. It’s been a tough month for my inner sports child, because The Snake and The American Dream are gone.
I grew up in Arkansas, which has no professional teams. So I could pick and choose my favorites without any geographic constraints. Back in the Dark Ages when I was a wee lad, the Oakland Raiders were actually good. (Hard to believe now, I know.) And leading the Silver & Black attack was Kenny “The Snake” Stabler. A soft-throwing, hard-partying southpaw who fit the Raider renegade mode perfectly.
“I was head coach of the Raiders the entire time Kenny was there, and he led us to a whole bunch of victories, including one in Super Bowl XI,” former Raiders coach John Madden said in the team release. “I’ve often said, if I had one drive to win a game to this day, and I had a quarterback to pick, I would pick Kenny. Snake was a lot cooler than I was. He was a perfect quarterback and a perfect Raider.”
Ken Stabler with another boyhood hero, James “Rockford” Garner
Of course, in addition to real sports, I also followed the fake sport of professional wrestling. I’d get up every Saturday morning to watch the antics of greats like Andre The Giant, Ernie “Cat” Ladd, Dick Murdoch, and “The American Dream” Dusty Rhodes. I knew it was theater, and I still loved it. Dusty Rhodes was great in the ring, but even better outside it with a microphone in his hand. He wasn’t the most athletic wrestler, but he was easily the most loquacious. Dude could talk a great game. His forehead was filled with crosshatched scars, because back in those days the rasslers would surreptitiously use a razor to cut themselves during a match, adding a bit of blood to the drama. Dusty paved the way for the Rowdy Roddy Pipers of the world. Now my sons watch WWE, and I can see Dusty’s fingerprints all over it. I’m sure he’s having fun in the squared circle in the sky.
Permed hair, permanent place the hearts of rasslin’ fans. Woo!
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