Down with crass commercialism, Up with People

by | Feb 6, 2016 | Music, Pop Culture, Sports | 0 comments

The Super Bowl to end all Super Bowls (at least until next year) is just a day away… and already I’m sick of the hype. Not the hype for the game – I’m oblivious to that after years of Roman Numerals being shoved in my face XXIV/VII (see what I did there?). I’m sick of the hype for the halftime show. Excuse me, I meant to say “The Greatest Halftime Spectacle In The History of The Universe” or whatever they’re calling this year’s gig. They went with the Chinese Restaurant menu approach this year – one from each column – Coldplay for the aging wannabe hipsters, Beyonce for the soul sisters, and Bruno Mars for… well, pretty much everybody else. And of course they have a corporate sponsor, because there’s a sponsor for everything. I’m surprised they don’t say “This Geico commercial is sponsored by Bud Light.”

Call me an old fuddy duddy (merely typing that phrase makes me an old fuddy duddy) but I actually miss the early Super Bowls before the greedy tentacles of the NFL and advertisers hijacked the halftime show. For many years, the “entertainment” (using that term very loosely) was Up With People – a group of overly earnest teens singing easy listening versions of the day’s top hits. Sort of like an Osmond Family clone army. Sure they were super cheesy and super lame, but who cares? It’s halftime – time to reload on food and drinks.

Now that was quality entertainment!

Supersized Super Bowl ad

by | Feb 1, 2016 | Funny Business, Sports | 0 comments

Peyton Manning’s forehead is so large that it should be called a fivehead. But not only is Peyton a great quarterback, he’s also a legendary pitchman, for everyone from Papa John’s Pizza to Nationwide Insurance. Similar to the old adage “when life hands you lemons, make lemonade,” Peyton has realized that when life hands you a fivehead, make some cash off of it.

Knowing that a 30-second commercial for this Sunday’s Super Bowl costs a whopping $5 million, and knowing that his forehead is larger than many billboards and will be constantly shown on the broadcast of what will in all likelihood be his final game, Peyton has a deal for you:

peyton cash

He’ll be attaching decals to his forehead using Stickum, and swapping them out on a regular basis. Here’s his rate card:

Pregame interviews: $1 million

1st quarter: $1.5 million

2nd quarter: $1.5 million

Halftime walk to locker room: $500,000

3rd quarter: $2 million

4th quarter: $7 million – this price is a lot higher because Peyton figures by then his Broncos will be getting crushed by the Panthers and there will be a lot of shots of him on the sidelines with his helmet off, looking forlorn.