1. The older your kids get, the more expensive their gifts get. You can buy a lot of wooden blocks for less than one XBox.
  2. Shoe companies should make shoelaces out of Christmas light wires, because those strands always stay tied up. 
  3. If you buy an “ugly sweater” anywhere other than a thrift shop, you are part of the problem.
  4. Fruitcake gets a bad rap – those boxed chocolates with coconut inside are just as bad. 
  5. Most holiday music is so awful, the “Toyotathon” remake of “Jingle Bell Rock” is probably in the top 10.
  6. Every kiss begins with Kay, but the word “sucker” has You and Kay in it.
  7. The “A Christmas Story” marathon is the best part of the season.
  8. If red cups = a war on Christmas, then Solo is in big trouble.    
  9. It’s only a matter of time until there’s a limited edition Figgy Pudding flavored Cap’n Crunch.  
  10. 40% of Mall Santas also sing Kenny Rogers songs at karaoke bars.
  11. Forget a better mousetrap – if someone  invents a better Christmas tree stand, the world will beat a path to their door. 
  12. Let’s not forget the real reason for the season: selling more Star Wars merchandise.