Happy Super Bowl Sunday! It seems like a lot of people in America don’t like the New England Patriots, and I don’t understand why. Their quarterback, Tom Brady, has really had a hard-knock life:

He’s married to someone named Gisele Bündchen. I’m not familiar with her, but from the sound of her name she’s probably some ugly German hausfrau.


His boss likes to spy on people. So if Tom is supposed to be studying the playbook but instead he’s wasting time surfing the Internet—probably looking at pictures of Victoria’s Secret models—his boss knows it and busts him for it. Think of how difficult those working conditions must be.

He has a rare medical ailment. I’m not sure what “deflated balls” means but it surely can’t be good.

His teammates would rather spend the rest of their lives in jail than play with him.

So if you’re not sure which team to root for today, root for the Patriots. Poor Tom needs your support.