[Originally posted on Tumblr on 4-1-14 because I couldn’t figure out the WordPress install]
OK, so I’m the 3 billionth person to start a blog. So sue me. Or squat on my unregistered domain name and make me pay to buy it from you. April Fool’s Day seems like the perfect time for this exercise in futility. And there’s a certain symmetry to 4-1-14. 

If you’re looking for insightful commentary on the human condition, you’ve come to the wrong place. Try 1-800-DIDION.

If it’s dazzling wordplay and serious writing craftsmanship, this ain’t McSweeney’s.

If you’re searching for the latest miracle weight-loss supplement, sorry, Dr. Oz has already locked up an exclusive promotional deal.

If you want inspiration and motivation, try some of those Successories posters.

However, if you are craving the random musings of a middle-aged nobody… congratulations, you may already be a winner!

And now, without further ado, the song of the day…