The NFL team based in the Washington, D.C. area shed their old (and pejorative/racist) nickname prior to last season.

But they’ve yet to come up with a new moniker. They’ve been known as the “Washington Football Team” for nearly a season and a half.

Quite a few teams in the NFL have names that are linked to their city, whether by geography or history. Baltimore, where Edgar Allan Poe launched his literary career, chose the name “Ravens” as a nod to Poe’s most famous poem. Miami has dolphins, so they also have the Dolphins. The Saints go marching in down in New Orleans, and Cowboys live in Dallas.

So, here are some name suggestions that seem fitting for a team based in the seat of our federal government:

  • The Washington Gridlocks – instead of playing other NFL teams, they’ll just battle to a standstill against their own teammates.
  • The D.C. Lobbyists – each player will be funded by a large corporation, and will rewrite the game’s rules to benefit themselves.
  • The Filibusters – if you think NFL games take too long now, just you wait…
  • The Beltway Bubbles – they’ll only play home games, and won’t care what happens outside their stadium.
  • The Checks ‘n Balances – scores will only count if approved by a 2/3 majority of the team and signed into law by the coach.
  • The Pork Barrels – the field will feature two four-lane highways, situated just beyond each end zone. Each highway, built at a cost of $329 billion, will only be 53 yards long, and will be named after the head of the House Ways & Means Committee and the Senate Budget Committee, respectively.
  • The WTFs – self-explanatory.

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