Royal Flush

I’ve never understood the fascination with the British royal family. The only Queen from England that I’ve ever been even mildly interested in was the one that played “Fat Bottomed Girls.”

I take great pride in NOT knowing the names of the babies that have been born into “The Firm.” Honestly, I still get William and Harry mixed up, because I really could not care less.

Part of it is my lifelong aversion to pomp. And the Royal Family is all about that pomp. They have different giant, garish hats for every day of the year.

Whereas I’m more in this hat camp:

But I just don’t get why one family that inherited a bunch of real estate gets to rule the entire country… then again, I suppose we just went through four years of that in the U.S. of A. too, with King Donald.

Whereas I’m more in this King Don camp:

Mmm, rich chocolate and creamy filling… where was I? Oh, yeah, bitching about the British folks with the wacky hats. This article from the Irish Times really hits the nail on the head. I love the lede:

Having a monarchy next door is a little like having a neighbour who’s really into clowns and has daubed their house with clown murals, displays clown dolls in each window and has an insatiable desire to hear about and discuss clown-related news stories. More specifically, for the Irish, it’s like having a neighbour who’s really into clowns and, also, your grandfather was murdered by a clown.

Beyond this, it’s the stuff of children’s stories. Having a queen as head of state is like having a pirate or a mermaid or Ewok as head of state. What’s the logic?

Funny… and true. But these two sentences cut to the heart of my issues with the entire concept of a “royal family”:

The contemporary royals have no real power. They serve entirely to enshrine classism in the British nonconstitution. 

That’s it – enshrining classism. Sorry, if you’re trying to sell me a fairytale that says you’re better than me, and you get to reign over me because your great-great-grandpappy was a bigwig back in the day, I ain’t buying it. And I’m sure as heck not bowing down in front of you, or forking over my hard-earned cash to pay for your Disney-fied wedding. Go find a sorcerer to transform a pumpkin like everyone else does!

The Royal Family is a concept that’s played out. Time to shut down the circus and send the clowns away.