A Hart to Hart talk

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Unless you are living under a rock (or perhaps living in Iraq), you’re familiar with Kevin Hart, the pint-sized comedian/actor/producer/rapper/(insert any other title here, Kev’s done it).

Perhaps you’ve seen him in one or more of the gazillion movies he’s made. Perhaps you’ve seen his comedy specials, or his TV shows, or his TV guest appearances, or his comedy tour, or have followed him on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, the website for his new movie, the website for his comedy tour, or his official website.

Maybe you’ve even downloaded the emoji app that’s nothing but his faces:

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As if being Kevin Hart weren’t enough, he also has a rap alter ego, Chocolate Droppa.

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Because that’s exactly what this world needs, whether this world knows it yet or not.

 

A few Hart thoughts:

  1. If you don’t like the latest Kevin Hart movie, don’t worry, another one will be along in 5 minutes.
  2. Kevin Hart’s nickname should be “Alcatraz” because  you can’t escape him.
  3. By the year 2020, films will no longer be called “movies”, they will be called “harts”.
  4. Kevin Hart’s IMDB credits say “pretty much everything since 2006.”
  5. If Hollywood ever needs to downsize staff while maintaining the same output, they can just put Kevin Hart and Tyler Perry in a room with a camera.
  6. Kevin Hart is a modern day Will Rogers – he never met a microphone he didn’t like.
  7. Last year, Kevin Hart took a vow of silence. It was the longest 2 seconds of his life.
  8. Kevin Hart is like constipation – an annoying little sh*t that you can’t eliminate, no matter how hard you try.

 

 

 

In college, but a lack of knowledge

Yesterday during college football games, not one, but two runners let go of the ball before they crossed the goal line. Because apparently style points count more than six points.

Here’s Oklahoma’s Joe Mixon at the end of a kickoff return:

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Luckily for Mixon, the play wasn’t reviewed and he got credit for a touchdown.

And here’s Cal’s Vic Enwere against Texas, late in the game with Cal up by a touchdown.

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He got lucky too. He didn’t get credit for a touchdown, but the ball was blown dead so the Texas player who picked it up couldn’t run it back the other way for a tying score.

Here’s another pet peeve of mine, in college and pro football: players running alongside the guy about to score, instead of turning around and blocking someone. Here you see three ‘Bama players joining a pigskin posse on a 75-yard interception return, yet none of the non-runners turned around to get in the way of the Ole Miss player, who nearly prevented the score.

Real character

Last month, a couple of fantastic character actors went to the great green room in the sky. Because they weren’t A-listers, I only recently found out about their deaths. I’ve always gravitated toward the sidemen instead of the leading actors, and admire those folks who can immerse themselves in a role so fully… as opposed to, say, a Tom Cruise, where he’s basically playing Tom Cruise in every movie.

First up on the “men of character” honor roll is David Huddleston. And as is typical of character actors, when you say their name most folks will say “who?”. But when you see his face, you’ll say, “Oh, that guy!”

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Perhaps his most famous role was as the real Big Lebowski.

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Next up is Jack Riley. Better known as Elliot Carlin, the most irascible and neurotic patient ever of Bob Newhart.

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But he also was a guest star on a ton of TV shows from the 60s through the 90s.. and charmed a new generation of fans as the voice of Stu Pickles in Rugrats.

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Here’s to you, David and Jack, two regular dudes who did yeoman’s work outside the spotlight.

 

 

 

 

 

 

IKEA, eat your heart out

I work from home most Tuesdays. While I don’t miss the hassles of the commute and the distractions and interruptions of the office, I do miss the adjustable height, stand-up desks that we have there.

standup desk

(Dorky office worker sold separately)

After all, sitting is the new smoking. So on an average day at the office, I probably spend more time standing up than I do sitting down at my regular desk. (And if you want to make someone uncomfortable in a meeting setting, I highly recommend standing up rather than sitting down. Bonus: the meetings end more quickly.)

So, in true MacGyver fashion*, I’ve rigged up my own version of a standup desk in our basement, complete with dual monitor capability. Feast your eyes on this marvel of modern engineering:

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Yes, that’s not one, but two – count ’em – two empty plastic kitty litter containers, along with a faux milk crate (circa 1987) and some leftover flooring from when we redid our kids playroom five years ago. Total retail value: -$5.

I should post this sucker on Pinterest, it’d get millions of repins. Better yet, I should give it a weird Swedish name like Kïtëbøst (pronounced “kitty boost”) and sell the design to IKEA.

*If MacGyver owned a couple of cats

A day in the life of a parent of a teenage girl

Here’s how my daughter (#4, the non-blonde) is when she’s around her friends:

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And here is her reaction when she has to be seen with her old man:

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