Nailed it! Then caulked and painted it!

I’ve found a kindred spirit that abhors all those home improvement shows as much as I do. And he’s written a hilarious blog post about it.

Trust me, more than 12 people read his blog, unless there are only 11 other people besides me who appreciate well-crafted sarcastic humor.

The entire post is here. You won’t list it, you’ll love it. And the rest of his Hitting the Trifecta blog posts are well worth checking out as well.

Attaboy, Billy!

Billy Bragg has always been one of my favorite folkies. (Or as I heard him describe himself in concert once: “a quasi-political punk-rock folk singer.”) His new song “The Sleep of Reason” is a great example of why I love him so. Check out the bitingly insightful lyrics.

And in the end, the greatest threat faced by democracy/isn’t fascism, or fanaticism, but our own complacency. 

The year without a Santa Claus

As I sit down to write this, it’s 10:40 a.m. on a Sunday. Normally I’d be at Mass right now, sitting in the same pew as my wife’s uncle Neil, and his wife Gayle. They were with us on vacation in Florida July 1-8, along with a bunch of Neil’s relatives, and everyone rolled back into town late last Saturday night. After every Sunday Mass, all the family members in attendance always gather and talk for a bit, with Neil at the center of the conversation.

A week ago, it was just Neil, Gayle and me. We chatted for a bit, and said our “see you next week” goodbyes… Neil had a heart attack later that day, and passed away on Thursday. Yes, he was 78, and overweight, and had already had a heart attack and heart valve replacement several years ago… but I still feel like he was stolen away from us way too soon. That’s the way it always is with great folks, and he was a fantastic human being.

There are so many stories I could tell about “Real Deal Uncle Neil” as I called him, but to me the one that best epitomizes his character and caring is this: for nearly 40 years, Neil would dress up as Santa Claus on Christmas Eve, and spend several hours visiting the homes of dozens of relatives, friends and co-workers, spending a few minutes at each house talking to the kids that lived there, having them sing a Christmas song, reminding them to go to bed early, asking them to leave a snack for his reindeer… totally getting into playing the part of Santa Claus. Our house was one of the stops when our kids were younger, and I’ll never forget the look on our kids’ faces when “Santa” showed up and spoke with them. Pure magic.

Think about that for a bit. For 40 years, Neil sacrificed his Christmas Eve to make others happy. It was no fun riding around dressed up in a sweat-inducing Santa suit, with heavy boots and an itchy beard… but bringing some magic into the lives of others superseded that.

Here’s the thing – the Santa suit was just a prop. Honestly, Neil was the type of person that brought magic into the lives of others every day – kids and adults alike. He had the Irish “gift of gab” and never let the facts get in the way of a good story. He was comfortable talking to anyone and everyone, and always left you with a smile on your face.

In hindsight, as we look back at a few things Neil did on vacation that were a bit more sentimental than usual, we think he knew his time on earth was drawing to a close. We’ll miss him dearly. But I’ll also take solace in the words of Ray Bradbury, from his beautiful story about dying called “The Leave-Taking“:

Important thing is not the me that’s lying here, but the me that’s sitting on the edge of the bed looking back at me, and the me that’s downstairs cooking supper, or out in the garage under the car, or in the library reading. All the new parts, they count. I’m not really dying today. No person ever died that had a family. 

If it’s free, it’s for thee

The Craigslist “free stuff” section is where dreams go to die. Several months ago, we had two trees cut down in our yard, and one was a black walnut tree, which according to the tree company is a coveted hardwood. They said they’d leave a couple of 10-foot trunk sections intact and we could probably sell them to a lumber yard to recoup some of the tree removal costs. Ever the optimistic cheapskate, I believed them. After dozens of calls to lumber folks, and even an email to the Cincinnati Woodworkers hobby group, the trunks were still stuck in our yard five months later.

So I posted them as freebies on Craigslist – with the major caveat that they’d have to haul them away – and got a dozen replies within minutes of the posting. The “first responder” came armed only with a regular pickup truck and some chains… I thought there was no way that he’d be able to move the gargantuan logs. But he and his son pushed, pulled and dragged them out of our back gate, then set up some crazy scaffolding and a chain hoist to lift the logs so they could back the truck up underneath and gently lower them into the pickup bed. You go, Log Man!

The next item up for bidding (minimum bid: $0, maximum bid: $0) was four 10-foot sections of old wrought iron railing that we had removed from our 2nd floor deck about a year ago. My wife and I thought we could use them for some sort of decorative yard/garden project… but after a year of them sitting near our fence, it was time to let the dream go.

Again, we got dozens of calls within minutes of posting. I’m sure someone drove them right to the scrapyard, but scrapyard is better than our yard.

And finally, the pièce de résistance… or rather pièces de crapola. A bunch of weather-beaten old windows and two French doors from our sunroom.

   

I was hanging on to them in hopes that the local community garden could use them to build a greenhouse. But after a year of staring at the eyesores and no response from the garden organizer, it was time to let them go. The good news is the gentleman who picked them up does plan to use them for a greenhouse. So I’m sure they’ll be happy in their new forever home.

Now if only I could list the dog poop in our yard on Craigslist…

Work feels too much like work

Today is the first day back to work after a vacation (heavy, audible sigh).

I was off for two weeks, so it’s especially tough to get back in gear.

I suppose I could make this photo from vacation my computer desktop pic:

But somehow it’s not the same as being there.

Oh well, only 350 more days until I get to do it again.

Welcome to the working week
Oh, I know it don’t thrill you, I hope it don’t kill you
Welcome to the working week
You gotta do it till you’re through it, so you better get to it

 

Magic bus…er, minivan

I’ve been slacking on blog posts lately because I’m on vacation, so I’m slacking on everything that doesn’t involve a beach. But I do want to pay tribute to the mighty minivan that has taken us on our annual summer trip (or trips, depending on the year) since 2003.

Odyssey is an apt name for our van, because it’s been to Florida, Alabama, Vermont, New Hampshire, New York, New Jersey, Michigan, South Carolina, Louisiana… anywhere the Dubbatrubba six-pack of people needs to go for summer fun. Last year the alternator died on our return trip, but other than that it’s been smooth sailing. We’ve been through so much together that I’m really going to miss ol’ Blue when he’s gone.

This year we brought a cousin along for our trip, so we took two cars. Usually we have the hard-shell luggage carrier (we call it “the turtle”) on top of the minivan, crammed to the gills with all manner of boogie boards, beach chairs and sun canopies. But with two cars we had more storage space, and I was able to take our kayaks instead. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to put those kayaks to good use…